Winter healing

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In the winter of 2014, the long, dark days of isolation began. Living on a farm in the middle on the freezing Alberta prairies,  isolation is exactly what it was.
Having recently moved to that location,  not knowing anyone and having a two year old son to look after, my emotions got the better of me.
For the first time in my 25 years of life, depression set in.
As a usually upbeat kinda girl, with the universe watching my back depression was the last thing I expected.

My husband and I were drifting apart as I felt he didn’t understand me, but I think being ex- military he was closer to understanding than most of my family.

My family were all in England, my home country, thankfully skype was at hand but there was only so much that could give you, it wasn’t exactly that warm comforting hug I so desired.

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Once the evenings hit, my son tucked up in bed, my husband dozing off on the sofa, I turned to writing.

List and dream diaries was all I had ever written on a regular basis. Perhaps a short half arsed story here and there.
I decided to take on a challenge, not only to take my mind away from my situation but to allow some creativity back into my life.

A story with meaning, excitement and adventure. Something different and spiritual for children to help them in hard times, which is inevitable at some point.

With the sparkly window panes and icy breath creeping across the glass,  a view that made you sigh with the natural beauty, inspiration was endless and gratitude grew.

I began to write, with every idea i felt healed and fullfulled.
A new feeling arrived, accomplishment,  if I went a day or more without writing something or reading I felt guilty,  like I  was slipping back into that dark solitude, so, my habit was created.
I wrote daily, which yes, it did affect my marriage. We were at a tough time with immigration issues, winter blues and job market at a low, homesickness peaked but writing became home.

After I got my frazzled mind layed out on paper I felt a lot more at ease, I could finally talk to my husband and explain how I felt. We talked about healing with writing and how it’s now become a part of me, almost over night- there’s no going back now.

So, in the end the dark days and winter depression was my own positive creation. I pulled myself out of depression and now my husband and I are closer than ever.
We talk, we accept each others needs for space and creativity.

Depression is something many people battle with and are all different experiences,  different triggers and emotions.
I don’t know much about other people’s depression but all I can say is find something that brings your spark back, something that you truly love and enjoy. Take that step to heal, make those changes, if you don’t like who you are or where your at, change. You are the only person that can do it for you. Asking for help is a wonderful step to healing,  people are on this planet to help,  we as humans are wired to feel, help and please one another, use it.

Earth is the best place to learn and understand our emotions, take your time and learn about yourself and heal.
Reach out

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Have a great week

Annie k Baxter

6 thoughts on “Winter healing

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  1. I am so sorry you went through that! It sounds very lonely indeed, I struggle with the same thing in winter too. So far i am fine because it has been unusually warm out, but once it gets colder and snowier i have to be careful! I wrote a post called ” delicate” about seasonal depression if you want to check it out!

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