It is has been over six months since I have come back to my word-press account. I have been neglecting my personal outlet, storing up my thoughts and emotions, capping them off so they seize to exist. But as any one knows that is impossible, they will always catch up with you when you least expect it.
Over the last year my life has been scrambled and torn apart but is now beginning to find its way back together again. I am certain that through writing will support and propel my healing process forward.
Moving back and forth from England to Canada over the past 5 years has taken its toll. I am now back in Canada, which seems to be where my creative desire burns most. Perhaps it’s the view of the mountains or the serene, snowy landscapes. I don’t know but I do believe certain places, people and even countries hold a specific vibration which one resonates with to allow their creative side to glow.
I feel somewhat guilty for not logging in and reading or even drafting my thoughts. What I have learned though, is that my mind is a labyrinth full of passageways unseen, exits which I did not realise were there. I have found means of escaping the heavy smog of depression and anxiety through creating my own pathways.
Before I went to bed at night I would imagine looking inside my brain and visualising all the thoughts and neurons racing around. I would slow down time and focus on the thoughts that were troubling or in most urgent need of attention. I would then logically, almost miraculously, come to conclusions, answers that sprung out of no where, which gave me a sense of relief. That thought or feeling could then buzz away into the back of my brain or even out of a new door into the universe never to be heard again, perhaps a tad optimistic.
Even though my entire being was taken over by negative feelings and thoughts, I still needed an outlet. But to write was daunting, for some reason I could not get it out onto paper. Perhaps it would make the situations more real. So I learned to create a new outlet through an intentional thought process, that once started could not have stopped until it was dealt with. A meditation perhaps that I feel can only be taught if one is able to distance themselves from yourself. I had to almost trick myself into thinking I was in someone else’s mind and then I could gain a different perspective on those thoughts and feelings, which enabled me to come to the gratifying conclusions that I did.
I have now come to a conclusion that I need to write. Whether my experiences will help others or not, I feel it is an essential part for me to grow and trust in myself. To have a voice and be heard even through the darkest times. Growing up I was the youngest and never had much of say, I felt judged and belittled. So with practice and self belief I will write about what ever takes my fancy, may it be a troubled event, an elated idea, a poem or an upcoming story. I want to get involved and hear your voices too.
I have taught meditation to children and ran adults group sessions, so if you have an urge to try out the meditation or would like to know more, comment or contact me on my new Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/FrankiePeriwinkle89 . I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences, if it worked for you or not. A full guided meditation is available upon request.